Sex addiction is often characterized as being addicted to the act of having sex, when in reality it is better viewed as an attachment or intimacy disorder.

The stigma that surrounds sex addiction (SA) can make it hard to understand its complexities, yet many mental health professionals believe SA is better characterized as an attachment / intimacy disorder. But what does that all mean? 

What is an Attachment / Intimacy Disorder?

An attachment or intimacy disorder is a condition that affects a person’s ability to form and maintain healthy, secure relationships. 

It often stems from early life experiences which disrupted the natural development of trust and emotional connection. These experiences may have included inconsistent or harmful caregiving, neglect, and/or trauma. 

These disorders can manifest as difficulties in establishing trust, maintaining stable connections, or feeling emotionally safe with others. 

What is sex addiction?

Sex addiction is an attachment or intimacy disorder, meaning it is rooted in difficulties with forming and maintaining healthy emotional connections, sometimes referred to as attachment wounds.

Unlike what many might assume, it’s not about frequent sexual activity but rather about compulsive behaviors that stem from unresolved emotional wounds. People with sex addiction often struggle to regulate their emotions and seek out sexual behaviors as a way to cope.

The World Health Organization’s ICD-10 (International Classification of Diseases) recognizes compulsive sexual behavior disorder as a condition that impacts those who find it difficult to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses and behaviors despite the consequences on their lives and interpersonal relationships.

How can we distinguish between someone with an intimacy disorder vs. healthy sexuality? 

The concept of sex addiction can be better understood by contrasting it with healthy sexuality, a comparison explored by Alexandra Katehakis in Erotic Intelligence.

• Addictive Sexuality: Characterized by feelings of shame, secrecy, and behaviors that exploit or disconnect from true emotional intimacy. Often, individuals with sex addiction seek out experiences that are power-driven, fear-based, and self-destructive. This behavior is usually a reenactment of past trauma, creating a cycle of shame and deceit, leading to a distorted and unfulfilling reality.
  
• Healthy Sexuality: In contrast, healthy sexuality operates within personal values and promotes a sense of self-worth. It respects boundaries, embraces imperfections, and encourages genuine connections. Through healthy intimacy, individuals can experience joy, spontaneity, and emotional regulation, fostering a sense of safety and presence in their relationships.

“Even the healthiest forms of human sexual expression can turn into self-defeating behaviors. ”  –  Patrick Carnes                    

The ABCDE of Addiction 

Addiction, including sex addiction, can be described using the ABCDE model from the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM):

• A: Inability to consistently Abstain from the behavior.
• B: Impairment in Behavioral control.
• C: Craving or increased hunger for rewarding experiences.
• D: Diminished recognition of significant problems with behaviors and interpersonal relationships.
• E: A dysfunctional Emotional response.

The ABCDE of Addiction in the Context of an Intimacy Disorder

How might the ABCDE model work in the context of someone with an intimacy disorder such as sex addiction? Let’s explore:

A: Abstain – Individuals may find it difficult to consistently abstain from compulsive sexual activity or seeking out unhealthy relationships, despite their best intentions to stop.

B: Behavioral Control – Actions feel driven by compulsion rather than choice, often resulting in a loss of control over intimate or sexual behaviors.

C: Craving – This reflects an intense craving for intimacy, connection, or the “high” from certain experiences, which can drive people to seek out these behaviors repeatedly as a way to cope with or escape emotional discomfort.

D: Diminished Recognition – Individuals may struggle to recognize the significant problems their behaviors cause in their relationships and daily life functioning. This can lead to ongoing cycles of self-destructive actions without fully understanding the impact.

E: Emotional Response – Dysfunctional emotional responses, such as intense anxiety, shame, or fear, often underlie the behaviors seen in intimacy disorders. These emotions can create a sense of isolation and drive the need for external validation or connection, even in unhealthy forms.

Types of Treatment for Sex Addiction as an Intimacy Disorder

There are many pathways to recovery for those dealing with sex addiction, attachment, and intimacy disorders. Effective treatment recognizes that each individual’s journey is unique and often involves a combination of group support, individual therapy, and various therapeutic modalities.

Group Therapy

Sharing experiences within therapy groups, support groups, 12-Step programs, or faith-based groups can create a sense of community and understanding. Group settings allow individuals to feel less isolated and more supported as they navigate recovery. They can be online or in-person.  Many describe the group as their surrogate family, a place to be seen and heard.

Individual Therapy

One-on-one sessions with trained and qualified Sex Addiction Specialists such as a SATP (Sex Addiction Treatment Provider) offer personalized treatment. Therapy helps clients uncover the root causes of their compulsive behaviors and provides tools to manage their emotional responses.

Therapeutic Modalities

Common modalities for sex addiction include:

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Assists individuals in recognizing and changing harmful thought patterns that lead to addictive behaviors.
• DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy): Supports emotional regulation and improves interpersonal relationships.
• IFS (Internal Family Systems): Focuses on healing parts of the self impacted by trauma.
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Helps process and resolve traumatic memories that may be contributing to the addiction.
• Inner Child Recovery: Addresses unresolved childhood trauma, which is often at the core of sex addiction.

A comprehensive approach to treatment should also incorporate insights from neurobiology and attachment theory, helping individuals understand how their brains process attachment and intimacy. This can lead to a deeper, more sustainable recovery by addressing not just the symptoms but the root cause of the addiction.

Recovering from an Intimacy Disorder: The Healing Journey 

Recovery from sex addiction means rebuilding one’s capacity for healthy intimacy. When our patterns and behaviors began many years ago, this can take time, patience, courage,  accountability, and self-compassion.  

At Grit and Grace Recovery, we believe in a holistic approach to recovery that includes education, therapy, and authentic support. Our mission is to provide individuals with the resources they need to heal from their past, manage their emotional health, and build fulfilling, connected lives.

It is possible to overcome the challenges of sex addiction.

By understanding it as an intimacy disorder rather than just a behavioral issue, we can approach treatment with compassion and respect for the complexity of the human experience.

If You or Someone You Love Needs Help with an Intimacy Disorder

Sex addiction can have serious consequences, but it doesn’t have to define a person’s life.  With the right support and healing, healthy, fulfilling relationships are attainable. 

If you or someone you love is struggling with sex addiction, Grit and Grace is here to help. Contact us today to learn more about our programs and resources, and take the first step towards a brighter, healthier future.